Sunday, 29 November 2009

viva le viva...

So, STAFF were having some sort of big exam and had to be at work sharp-ish and on time. Of course I knew what to do to take THEIR minds of that and help THEM relax. Oh yes. In a completely unselfish way, I used the cover of darkness on our morning round in the woods to disappear and eat a huge pile of brightly coloured dog biscuits. People just leave those lying about. Like a Fast Food outlet. Marvelous.STAFF were calling frantically. I could hear THEM. After all, I had not gone far. But, hey, I was busy eating, and you cannot rush these things. Gives you indigestion, don't you know. So, after 15 minutes I sauntered back to STAFF, who had by that stage completely forgotten about the exam. And when we got home, THEY had no time to worry. Just to get ready and go.
Well, the exam was passed with flying colours, and I have to say that I take credit for that. Would it have gone so well without my help? Who knows!
Regrettably, the food didn't agree so well with me. I think it was the red biscuits. Or maybe the green ones? But after a couple of days on my cozy bed, I was right as rain again.

Things I do for STAFF....

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Parlour games....

November is well and truly here. The air is wet. And cold. And most likely there'll be a gale blowing, sometimes with a bit of hail as well. So, after my round in the woods, I like to while away my time with a bit of snoozing and, ideally, snacking. But STAFF are not providing any snacks or any other entertainment for that matter, and so whilst THEY are "working from home", I have to make my own fun.
So, I decided to play a few old-fashioned parlour games. First, I needed to stretch and wake and warm up those muscles.And then the games could begin. The first game was How High Can you Stack all Your Feet? Whoa, make sure that it is a stable construction and you don't fall over! I say, I reckon I win this one.

And actually, I am quite tired now. I might just go back to sleep. Until dinner. Wake me when it is time for food!

Monday, 23 November 2009

She loves me... she loves me not

I am still no further in wooing my sexy neighbour, Lola The Greyhound. First impression are so important, aren't they. And I think mine was rather cold and startling. I really shouldn't have put my nose there, straight-away and on a cold day... Darn. Perhaps a more romantic approach will work?

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Cave canem....

So, I am obviously not a working dog. Not my breed, darling. But I don't mind doing a little light guard dog duty when STAFF are out. Or in. The key is to look like you could not move in a rush and lull anyone into a false sense of security.
But you and I know, ... beware of the dog! After all, I might set STAFF on you!

Saturday, 14 November 2009

A splendid little jaunt

You know the beginning of a walk. When you just got out of the car. Still a bit dizzy from spinning and STAFF's driving? And the air hits you and brings with it smells and scents of such wonder. And you don't know where to go first? Left, right? Forward? Or back? And sometimes I find my paws opt for a different direction each, but in any case, I love the beginning of a good walk!And I was in fact so happy that you can see me smile. Rare, I know, but here it goes.
See it? The lips curled? The gnashers gleaming? Yup! That's me smiling! At STAFF. I know. What's come over me?
It wasn't long before THEY started to annoy me though. It's the slooooow walking that gets me. I constantly have to herd THEM in. What do THEY take me for? A border collie?
But then, a sound? A squawk? A shudder! What ho! Could it be that pheasant from me other day?
I set off immediately to investigate.
Couldn't see it anywhere! But I was not about to give up. A) It had peeped on me when I tried to poop. And B) I now know that those feathery things are edible. I was gonna 'ave 'im!
Sadly even a wide area scan revealed nothing.
Famished after my unsuccessful attempts to catch The Pheasant I had to put up with the indignity of having to ask STAFF for some nourishment to tide me over until breakfast.
And after a day of hunting I was quite glad that at least I had caught one furry that I could take home and display to all who might chance by: Here Sleeps Otto. The Mighty Hunter! Do not peep on him!

Thursday, 12 November 2009

Pheasant. Cheekiest birds known to anyone!

So, STAFF and I skipped to the best woods in the world, as every day, and I find myself a nice spot to go about my morning business. Prime spot, in the woods, right in front of a shrub. Perfect! So, I get in position, and as I am 'sitting' there, looking here, looking there, What Ho!, I see a pair of eyes look right back at me! A pheasant! In the bush! Right! In! Front! Of! Me!Naturally I stopped what I was doing straight away and shooed the Peeping Tom away! Would you credit it!? Peeping on me! A hunting dog! The cheek of it!

And had STAFF told me there and then that you can eat those things, I would have put in more of an effort and had me the little blighter as a snack!

PS: The photo is for general illustration only. Even STAFF wouldn't go as far as taking photos of me doing that. You know what I mean.

Monday, 9 November 2009


I love, love, love, love getting parcels! My good friend Sabrina in Germany heard of my difficulties with rousing lazy STAFF from THEIR slumber in the morning, getting THEM around the woods at an acceptable speed and feeling constantly hungry.

And before I knew what was happening a parcel arrived. For me!
I was trying to open it up straight away, I could smell that whatever it was, it was good!
I didn't get too far trying to gnaw it open, so I tried to get it done by kicking it. But to no avail.
Finally STAFF got to it with scissors. And we were in!
Did I mention that it smelled absolutely delicious?
I was trying to inhale the content. Yum!
And then. Succes! I was in. And I had the goods! There was coffee. Strong Italian stuff, so that I could get STAFF up in the morning. And Italian biscotti. So that I could tie one to a piece of string and coax STAFF around the woods following behind it.
But best of all. A bone. Massive. Juicy. Cow flavour. How much better can it get! With just one drawback.... it was in a ruddy plastic packet. I had to rely on STAFF to open it. Well, I say had to.... I would have quite happily eaten through the plastic, but last time I did that I felt strangely ill for a few days, so I thought I had better not chance it.
The trouble is that when you issue STAFF with even a modicum of power, THEY get so excited and all mean and make you wait. Tic. Toc. Tic. Toc. Tic. Toc. Hours passed and I was still waiting for my bone. STAFF were giddy with THEIR bit of power.
I was being super patient. I was not going to give THEM the satisfaction of knowing that I really, really wanted this bone. So, I looked at it. But nonchalantly. Tic. Toc. Tic.
My nerves were beginning to dance the famous sequence from Riverdance. But on the outside I was cool. And still I was waiting. Tic. Toc. Ti---- and then it occurred to me.... oh no! THEY probably just do not know how to get into the darn packaging. I am blighted with really rather silly STAFF.

Think of me friend, and know, I am probably still waiting for STAFF to figure out how to get into the packaging. Tic. Toc.

Thursday, 5 November 2009

Keep on the sunny side

So, I've been keeping pretty busy. Autumn presents a set of challenges for those of us who like to follow the warming rays of the sun around the house. The trouble is that in autumn the sun is at the kind of angle that let's the rays fall into the most awkward of places.
Sun, or no sun, this chair is to small for me. Why must STAFF be so selfish and buy this kind of tat? And why not move one of my sofas into the sunny spot? How lazy!
At least I can move these cozy rugs into the sun. It's quite easy to do. You just have to sit and look mournfully at a sunny spot on the hard, hard wooden floors. And then do a couple of gentle feeps, and, eh voila, STAFF come running and move the rugs for you. Not bad. And yet, I feel my earlier comments on the moving of sofas would apply here, too! I'll mention it to STAFF next time.