Wednesday, 31 December 2008

enjoying retirement

as you know I have worked very hard looking after two well-meaning, but often useless, members of STAFF. And, frankly, I had enough! All the hard work, the stress of looking after them, making sure they were safe. Checking on all visitors. A never-ending list of tasks and duties. When was a guy ever given the chance to relax?
So, I said to myself: enough is enough. But how could I communicate this idea to the STAFF? (It's not easy getting stuff through to them...). Well, I lucked out when I saw that this nice chap,  who has his own tv show about rehabilitating useless dog staff 'the Dog Whisperer", has also written a book. Quick as a flash I was on and ordered the STAFF a copy for xmas. They took it very well, and read it aloud to one another. I was nodding along in the background. The man, Cesar Milan, makes so much sense. He knows all about how to turn useless STAFF into good STAFF. 
And now the STAFF have finally taken on board that they are meant to look after me and not the other way around! Now, I have retired from pack leadership and STAFF management. My BP has dropped, my stress levels are sinking. I am relaxed. I am happy. I am carefree. I am having the time of my life! 

We are all one big, happy, calm family now. Having lots of fun!

Wednesday, 24 December 2008

the game of kings

I am contemplating my next move. The STAFFs' puny intellects are no match for me. But even if THEY should stumble on a good move and my brains won't win it on this one occasion, well, guess who's top in the brawns department? (Hint: starts with o, ends in o, has two ts in the middle).

Everything is a game of chess. Getting the best sofa. The warmest bed. The best food. The most attention. The STAFF try all sorts of strategies, but in the end, it is always check mate.

Now, back to my game of chess. I like the new chess figures. The wood smells very yummy, and could do with some 'personalizing'. You cannot beat that sort of thoughtful gift for Christmas, can you now.

Monday, 8 December 2008

Weimaraner 0 : Nasty Shrub 1

ouchy ouchy ouchy... This morning the STAFF forced me to run through the woods (formerly, but not any more, known as best wood) in the pitch black dark. Again. I don't know what gave them the idea I would enjoy that!?
Anyways, I was just progressing at a comfortable trot (3rd gear and accelerating) when a shrub, with nasty sharp branches at chest height, appeared out of nowhere and attacked me! One minute, nice woody open space, next minute big spiky sticks scraping my chest. Now, you'll remember that my chest is no longer protected by a nice layer of fat, so the skin was scraped right off. Ouch!

I am convalescing at home now. I have made it very clear to the STAFF that it is all their fault. They are, therefore, and quite rightly, trying to make it up to me. Extra blankets and a big dinner. Here you can see the big wound on my chest. Incidentally, I am lying on a member of STAFF. It made me feel a lot better! 

I hope I'll be all better for my morning hunt. This time  I think I will take the long way around the obstacles. 

Sunday, 7 December 2008

Routine is the spice of life!

The STAFF have finally learned! Who'd have thought it would ever happen? Not me! But, bless THEM, their training has really come along in the last few weeks!

My days, Monday to Sunday are now a verrry nice routine:

well before sunrise: Up and to the Best wood (before any dogs get there, I want it all to myself). We like to get there when it is still dark and the scents are fresh! If the STAFF are sluggish in the morning, I get out the big guns! I have really nailed the frequency of my yelping now, and can get the STAFF from bed to bottom of the stairs in 3 yelps = 30 seconds flat. Not bad, eh! 
And off we go. 

8am: Home and a nice hearty breakfast. 

8:30am: Up on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket and aaaaahhh, relax! In summer: sun bathing. The STAFF go out some days, not others. I don't really keep track of this, because I don't need THEM for this part of the day. As long as THEY don't bother me, crowd me on the sofa or cramp my style, I like to give THEM a bit of freedom. Personally, I think THEY should nap. Might make them look less tired in the morning. 
5:45pm (sharp!) Quick stroll around the block. Just to check the news, (we)e-mail and all. AND to see whether the nice Greyhound lady might be out on her evening round. Hellloooo baby!

Then, an impossibly long and cruel wait until the STAFF have finished feasting on their dinner before I can have mine. Meanies!

The highlight of my evening (apart from dinner!) is the training I do with the STAFF. So far I have taught them well over 20 different ways of understanding: Give me a biscuit now!  THEY are quite fast learners. I might show you some footage of the exercises later.

After all that work, I am quite tired and like to nap until bed time, when it is time for my quick patrol round the yard and then a biscuit treasure hunt. Then quick back to bed, after all, my day starts early.

I really don't know why it took them so long to understand my very simple needs!