Fireworks...what are they good for? Absolutely nothing!

I hesitate to hold forth on this, because I haven't posted happy news in a while and I would not like to come across all whiny. BUT... This is the worst time of year. Leading up to bonfire night and all, every day there's loud fireworks at all times. When I'm at home. When I'm out walking. When I'm tucked up at night. BANG! Whiizzzzz BANG!

It's enough to stress a guy out and make him feel sick. In fact, I've been sick a few mornings now.

As you can see I am not my normal smiley self. Here I am contemplating what to do with all the people who light fireworks. I don't intentionally scare people. Or make a racket and claim it's fun....So, why it is ok for some people, huh? It would be ok-ish if it were just a few nights a year. But I am sure it is getting worse. And I can't take the stress.

The STAFF are also useless. They try and drown out the noise with music. Doesn't work. They hold my paw. Doesn't help. One of them does a funny ABBA dance routine to distract me. Helps to a point.

Well, now they're trying something new. The STAFF bought a pheromone diffuser (DAP diffuser) from the vets and the idea is that smells waft about which transport me back to happy times, when I was a puppy and my mum was looking after me. And everything was safe and warm. And life was simple and good. I don't normally hold with this "alternative" stuff, but I feel a bit calmer already.

And I am looking out for any effects these pheromones might have on the STAFF ;o)

PS: Even more woes and misery!

I thought I'd better give an update on my poorly paw (see my last post).

I was just nicely taken off that bandage to treat my paw with ancient Weimaraner medicinal wisdom Step 2 (again), when the STAFF overpowered me and put a silly, silvery boot on me!

Why? Now, I really cannot apply my Weimaraner medical treatment! Is there no end to the mean things the STAFF will do? Do they lack any sense at all?? How can I chew my foot like this, I ask you!

I am pondering these questions, lying on my own sofa in my own private bachelor pad. And I have a mind to put the do not disturb sign up.

I am appealing to you, dear reader: please have a word with the STAFF. Make them see sense!

My woes continue...

Pfff, as if a bad tummy from being force-fed items of clothing (see my earlier post) was not bad enough. Now the STAFF have really done it.

There I was carefully chasing a squirrel. As you would. Full speed, through brambles, tree stumps, undergrowth, spiky conkers and whatnot. Anyway, as I said, carefully chasing a squirrel and I must have grazed my paw somewhat.

Now, I treat all grazes the same. Ancient Weimaraner medicinal wisdom. But I don't mind sharing it with you.

1. Lick the graze for a few hours (take no breaks)
   
2. when the skin begins to soften, start biting the area (carefully and deliberately)
   
3. note how the graze is now nice and visible and the skin begins to detach from your paw
   
4. repeat Steps 1 - 3 until you are too tired
   
5. take a nap and start again
   
6. now you'll note a nice big sore area
   
7. start limping and look sorry for yourself

Works every time. Or used to work should I say. Look at what the STAFF did to my poor paw. It is never going to heal like that! How can I lick it? How can I bite it?! Just as soon as I have finished dozing in the sun I will take that stupid thing of. Just a couple more minutes....

Note from STAFF: As soon as you notice the execution of Step 1 of ancient Weimaraner medicinal Wisdom, put on a bandage. Do not delay, or a minor scratch will turn into a big sore paw! Sometimes we do know best.

Why would you bring them their slippers?....

When you can make such good use of them yourself?

Honestly, I never realised that slippers don't just taste good, can be traded for treats, NO, they also keep your tootsies nice and toastie (just look at my back-paws...).

I wonder whether the STAFF would fetch me another pair for my front paws? After all, I think I possibly could be more comfy.

Woe is me! And it's all the STAFFs' fault

I'm feeling really queasy, I don't mind telling you. It all started yesterday morning. And it was the STAFFs' fault! They fed me a very tasty item of, whatchumacallit, underwear, or something. And I Did enjoy it at first, but boy it didn't sit well in my tummy. Felt really sick all day, but held out with throwing up until 4:30am. I'm very considerate, I know, don't even mention it. Still don't feel very well. Bit better, but not great. A bit of sleep and the bun I found in the park this morning will settle me tummy, I'm sure.
Anyway, when I said that they "fed me" underwear, well, the STAFF might say that technically speaking they did not feed it to me. Inasmuch as they left it lying about where I was sure to find it. So, still there fault. What's the difference. "Lying about where I was sure to find it" in the sense of an item carefully placed in the laundry bin where any tall dog could frankly move the lid and do a bit of a precision extraction job.
Let's not quibble over detail here. All in all, you'll agree, they practically fed it to me. It is all there fault. I will not reward them!
Ooof, got to go, not feeling well.