So, September. I like September. It heralds the beginning of autumn. And autumn has plenty of interesting things rustling in the colouring leaves. Oh yes. And some of those very interesting autumnal rustlers are right in my very own home territory. A fox, vulpes vulpes (so good they named him twice!), lives at the bottom of my garden in the ivy covering the garden wall. Moving into a hunting hound's garden takes some courage and I admire that. But I am still going to try and catch the little bugger! Much hunting is, of course, not a matter of high adrenaline chase-excitement, but hours of muscle-cramping stake-out staring.
And here I an in full hunting action mode! I held this pose for hours. There wasn't any movement in the ivy for hours, but as you know, the fox is sly! I knew, as soon as I turned around it would move. I couldn't let that happen! So I stayed. And stared. Regrettably, STAFF have no real understanding of what it means to be a dedicated hunter. So when I started shaking all over from muscle cramp, THEY forced me to go inside and thaw out by a roasting fire. Gaw, THEY can be so despicably mean!
After my disappointment with the fox hunting I was naturally a little wound up. So, imagine my surprised excitement when I chanced upon a squirrel who was paying a lot of attention to gathering nuts, but altogether too little attention to the shadow that started looming behind, blocking out the sun, letting out a mighty roar and pouncing without pity. (Er, that was me, if you didn't get it from the description) So, that squirrel was mine! No more squeaking and chattering at me from the safety of a tree! That little squeaker was dead!
Buoyed by such success and with STAFF taking me on very long morning patrols, crashing through the best woods, at the break of dawn, sniffing, chasing, hunting, I was feeling alive and buzzing! I was a happy chap. No, credit, where credit is due, STAFF made me happy. Until....
.... until THEY forced me out on another early morning jaunt to the woods. Did I mention these jaunts? Forcing me to run for miles through woods? Where did THEY get the idea that I like this kind of stuff? I'm sure I don't know! Anyway, on one of these stupid jaunts, I was traveling backwards along the path, jumping, and conveying a list of grievances to STAFF (all perfectly normal behaviour!) when a tree root jumped up and took out my back leg! Aaarh! I was sure it had been a clean amputation! Ok, so there was no blood. But I could not put my leg down, try as I might. Naturally, one STAFF went immediately to fetch the car and I waited with the other STAFF. And before I could even say "I'm fine, really" I found myself at the vets. Bad. The vet gave me an injection. Double bad. And told STAFF to keep me captive inside the house for at least 1 whole day. Triple bad! And there was nothing even really wrong with my leg. Which I told them. It is all beyond the pale!
So, now I am forced to lie on my bed. And do nothing. I got so bored I fell asleep. Captivity was unbearable. Years had passed. But when I asked STAFF THEY tried to mess with my mind by saying that we only got back from the vet's 5 minutes ago. Is there no end to THEIR depravity?
Incidentally, this monogrammed blanket is just the coziest thing I ever have had! But that is by the by! I have a whole other 1/2 day of this! How will I cope?
Well, actually, I got together with a few other smart canines and we have formed a secret adventure gang. I am totally incognito now. Smart, eh! Now I can go on adventures STAFF won't even know anything about.
I just hope that I can also resume my morning and evening patrols soon. I do so miss my trips to the woods.
By the way, there are no logical inconsistencies in this. It all makes perfect sense to me! If you think it doesn't, well, perhaps you need to study the Weimaraner School of Logic in some more detail. I am offering correspondence courses for the serious student.