Across the Windy Moors on Christmas Day - or A Reality Check

Hmm, I am not sure whether I spoke too soon when I praised Christmas. Perhaps my enthusiasm was too much based on cozy and romantic images I saw in the media and not enough adjusted for those masters of crazy and stupid, aka the STAFF. I thought we'd wake up late, go downstairs, find presents, pork pies and sherry. Unwrap stuff, eat. Eat some more. And basically continue eating until luncheon time, when we'd eat until it was time for dinner.

I should have known the STAFF would have other ideas. The alarm goes off before sunrise (who, I asks you, sets an alarm on Christmas day?), and then they start packing our hiking gear. Uh oh, I thought. What about a lie-in? Pork pies? Presents?

See what I got instead! A day out on Stanton moor in the Peak District! That's not what I anticipated - and there were certainly no pork pies.

And then the STAFF made me pose in the Nine Ladies Stone circle. Oooh, Nine Ladies and One Weimy, they crooned. The feeble fools. They are not funny! Gosh, this is sooo embarrassing.

As always, they managed to entice me along the route by hypnotising me with biscuits. As you can see I am totally spellbound. I am sure it is not legal. I will find out about that.

I feel a little better now that we are home and I have been issued with luncheon. Very nice stuff from a tin. Now, if I get some dinner in addition to that, it could be a great Christmas day after all!

Let's keep our paws crossed and hope for the best as we relax in front of the radiator.

Merry Christmas everyone

Bah Humbug!? No way! What's not to like about Christmas?

A time full of yuletide joy, the potential for snacks, mulled wine, carols and (edible!) tree decorations. Lots of time spent with the STAFF, frolicking about in the hills and in woods. And Christmas dinner! Not just the dried biscuits I normally get, but tinned food of lamb and tapioca. Yum!

Pity it is only once a year!

I am feeling quite magnanimous. I might even get the STAFF a small present, if I find something suitable on the walk tomorrow.

I hope you all have a very Happy Holiday!

Hip Hip Hooray

Happy birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday, dear Gerlinde!
Happy Birthday to you!
Hip hip - hooray!

Gerlinde, sorry I cannot join you for a nice Hirnderl, Luengerl, Wuersterl feast, but I will be having a glass of champagne to toast you on your special day! Well, if the STAFF leave me any (you know what they are like about giving me good stuff...). I hope you have a super day and a super year!

Please send my regards to your lovely cats also. I am sure that you look after them very well. Not a luxury all of us have!

Bye and Cheers! With lots of love,

Otto

Pssst....The STAFF have gone crazy.

So, remember how I said that I kinda like going to Bestwood. I should have been more cautious about who I said it to... The STAFF, not known for their sense (common or otherwise) never ever do anything in moderation. So, they have taken me on a forced march around Bestwood everyday last week. I mean, Come On! It's miles! And it is so exciting that I cannot just walk calmly next to them. I have to charge. I wonder whether they are doing it to escape the OAPs bacon gifts on our ususal round? Hmmm, that would be cruel. On the upside, I get more food. On the downside, I burn it all off. Anyway, I am completely knackered!
Thankfully this weekend the weather's been awful again. On the plus side it meant a shorter trip on Saturday and no hanging around whilst they prance about with the camera. On the downside, this was because it was raining so much it was like having a shower (they did remember my new and rather fetching coat, so I was mainly dry; I'll show you a picture sometime soon).
I have attached a picture of me jumping for joy when I realised that today we were just going on a reasonable stroll by the river. Phew, with that and a bit of sleep I can face the hardships of next week. I still hope that it is just a phase the STAFF are going through and that we will return to a more sedate, bacon eating life style. But seeing the determined glint in their eyes makes me worry a lot...

PS: As I was saying I am sooooo tired I can't even stay awake long enough to tell you... tell you... something...zzz....zzz....zzz

Rainy days and Sundays - don't get me down...

We have returned from our trip to Clumber National Park and I am now happily stretched out on the sofa by the hot fire. Aaahhh...toasty. Where was I? Oh, yes. You may remember that the STAFF gave me hypothermia, etc etc on our last rainy trip out because they left my coat in the car. They are such wii-s (well-intentioned idiots). Anyway, today is really rather miserable, wet and rainy, but I cannot deny that I had a lot of fun. And stayed nice and toasty in my coat.

The STAFF did lose all the points gained by the fun trip by totally forgetting (again!) to get my orders from the Cafe when we stopped for refreshments. They got cups of tea, or whatever. But where was my roast chicken, bacon butty, roast beef with chips? Where I ask you? Pfff.

I'm not a couch potato! I am the Silver Arrow!

Some unkind people have suggested that I am a couch potato with a touch of hypochondria. How rude! It is true that due to the STAFFs' shortcomings, which I cannot avoid detailing on these pages, I am often unwell.
Lately the STAFF are annoyed when we go on our regular morning rounds, because some nice people leave out bacon rind for me. The STAFF don't want me to have it. They pretend it is because they buy me this hypo-hypo-superduper-hypoallergenic astronaut food from the vets which is nice and gentle on my tummy. And THEY claim that me eating bacon rinds rather defeats the purpose of this expense, because I might end up with a sore tummy anyway, blablabla... Why don't THEY just admit it? THEY are jealous because I have secret admirers who give me lurvely gifts of bacon and such and noone wants to give THEM anything. I am not surprised, THEY are ever so grouchy.

Anyway, on those nasty couch potato rumours (just because a guy likes relaxing on the sofa, does not make him lazy!), I wanted to show all you doubters some evidence that when the mood takes me, I can move faster than the naked eye can see, faster than lightning, faster than light itself. Anyway, my natural modesty prevails, but I can tell you that this photo was taken with specialist equipment, otherwise I wouldn't even be in it. So there!

Don't eat nuts unless you are a squirrel! Or the tale of the Veterinary Emergency

have not been able to write to you for a while. As you might have suspected it was the STAFFs' fault (why do I even put up with them?)! They gave me something funny to eat, some kind of stuff mainly made from ground nuts, baked into a cake or something. Of course only a little piece because they are stingy! But, it made me feel so sick. Sicker than - I'll spare you the graphic comparisons. But I was chucking and cramping and shivering and chucking and cramping and, boyoboy. So, they rushed me to the e.r.(Vets Now), because it was Sunday and out own surgery is closed then. I hate that place.

The people you see in the waiting room. Awful. And all that fear and anxiety (and that is just the STAFF).
And it is quite expensive. Really, they should have thought that through berforehand and we could have spent the money on something else.

PS: I feel better now. And I am still milking the STAFFs' guilty conscience. Every cloud does have a silver lining.

I'm going to sack the STAFF! Applications are welcome!

So, it is a really, really cold and wet rainy November day. Cold. Damp. Really wet. What would any sensible person do? I can tell you: double breakfast, nice fire, extra blankets, and - most important that one - stay indoors! What do the STAFF do? What with them not being sensible at all! They drag us out on a long walk through Thieves Wood. Normally I quite like going there. Also, there's a tuck shop and you can buy a suasage for 30 pence. Not that they have sprung for one lately - stingy! But that's another matter.

So, they left my coat in the car. Went on a long walk. And I got absolutely frozen. So, now I am spending my time choking to indicate that they did give me double pneumonia bronchitis. And no amount of blankets is going to stop me from complaining.

Applications for replacing the STAFF from trained and sensible personnel are very welcome!

PS: I suppose the STAFF are trying. Still, I can't get warm. Maybe they will fetch me more blankets? And let's see what other stuff I can get them to do whilst they are on their guilt trip.

Sweet dreams are made of this...

It so nearly was mine! I can't write more. Too upset...

That's why I'm easy...

Weekend's been great! Two trips to Bestwood (the name says it all), lots of grub and plenty of time spent with the STAFF.

Life, I can tell you, is good!

Yippeee.... Bestwood... The best Wood

Wow, what a night. A really loud firework went off at 1am, so I thought I'd better join the STAFF. To protect them you know. Calm them down and all that. So, I took a running jump onto their bed, and schnuzzled up real close. I don't normally like sharing with them, and they are funny about me being on the bed normally, but I knew they'd want me to hang around in this crisis situation. Couldn't stay long though. After a few hours I felt that there was not really enough space for everyone, so I up and left and went back to my own bed.

The STAFF don't look so well this morning. Tired and like they have a sore back. I don't know why. I slept great! And imagine how bad they'd feel had I not joined them and calmed them down. Sometimes I don't feel like they appreciate all the hard work I put into keeping them happy. Pfff, people, eh!

Anyway, when they finally made it out of bed this morning we went to Bestwood country park. My favourite! As you can tell from my happy expression!

Maybe I should do this every night. I'll talk to the STAFF....once they look more awake...

Waiting...it's just not acceptable!

I'm doing my best impression of total desolation, but to no avail. Yet again I had to wait 15 minutes between one of the STAFF coming back from wherever they sometimes go during the day and my evening walk. How can they do this to me?

The cheekiest cat ever!

I just got back from the park this morning. Feeling pretty happy on account of very high squirrel activity. And then this! The STAFF were feasting on breakfast, whilst cruelly making me wait for mine (as usual) when I suddenly saw a mnovement by my window out to my garden. And then there it was. Sitting, bold as you like on my window sill, looking at me and - wait for it - purring. Purring, I ask you!

I glared at it, but no reaction. I raised my eyebrows very meaningfully. Nothing. I did my Elvis-lip-lift impression. Nothing. I was feeling a bit deflated, but then the cheeky thing wandered off. Well, good riddance.


I am still grumbling to myself about the incident whilst I am taking my morning's fill of sunshine on the sofa.

PS: The DogAppeasementPheromone (DAP) thing must work. I feel much calmer!

Fireworks...what are they good for? Absolutely nothing!

I hesitate to hold forth on this, because I haven't posted happy news in a while and I would not like to come across all whiny. BUT... This is the worst time of year. Leading up to bonfire night and all, every day there's loud fireworks at all times. When I'm at home. When I'm out walking. When I'm tucked up at night. BANG! Whiizzzzz BANG!

It's enough to stress a guy out and make him feel sick. In fact, I've been sick a few mornings now.

As you can see I am not my normal smiley self. Here I am contemplating what to do with all the people who light fireworks. I don't intentionally scare people. Or make a racket and claim it's fun....So, why it is ok for some people, huh? It would be ok-ish if it were just a few nights a year. But I am sure it is getting worse. And I can't take the stress.

The STAFF are also useless. They try and drown out the noise with music. Doesn't work. They hold my paw. Doesn't help. One of them does a funny ABBA dance routine to distract me. Helps to a point.

Well, now they're trying something new. The STAFF bought a pheromone diffuser (DAP diffuser) from the vets and the idea is that smells waft about which transport me back to happy times, when I was a puppy and my mum was looking after me. And everything was safe and warm. And life was simple and good. I don't normally hold with this "alternative" stuff, but I feel a bit calmer already.

And I am looking out for any effects these pheromones might have on the STAFF ;o)

PS: Even more woes and misery!

I thought I'd better give an update on my poorly paw (see my last post).

I was just nicely taken off that bandage to treat my paw with ancient Weimaraner medicinal wisdom Step 2 (again), when the STAFF overpowered me and put a silly, silvery boot on me!

Why? Now, I really cannot apply my Weimaraner medical treatment! Is there no end to the mean things the STAFF will do? Do they lack any sense at all?? How can I chew my foot like this, I ask you!

I am pondering these questions, lying on my own sofa in my own private bachelor pad. And I have a mind to put the do not disturb sign up.

I am appealing to you, dear reader: please have a word with the STAFF. Make them see sense!

My woes continue...

Pfff, as if a bad tummy from being force-fed items of clothing (see my earlier post) was not bad enough. Now the STAFF have really done it.

There I was carefully chasing a squirrel. As you would. Full speed, through brambles, tree stumps, undergrowth, spiky conkers and whatnot. Anyway, as I said, carefully chasing a squirrel and I must have grazed my paw somewhat.

Now, I treat all grazes the same. Ancient Weimaraner medicinal wisdom. But I don't mind sharing it with you.

1. Lick the graze for a few hours (take no breaks)
   
2. when the skin begins to soften, start biting the area (carefully and deliberately)
   
3. note how the graze is now nice and visible and the skin begins to detach from your paw
   
4. repeat Steps 1 - 3 until you are too tired
   
5. take a nap and start again
   
6. now you'll note a nice big sore area
   
7. start limping and look sorry for yourself

Works every time. Or used to work should I say. Look at what the STAFF did to my poor paw. It is never going to heal like that! How can I lick it? How can I bite it?! Just as soon as I have finished dozing in the sun I will take that stupid thing of. Just a couple more minutes....

Note from STAFF: As soon as you notice the execution of Step 1 of ancient Weimaraner medicinal Wisdom, put on a bandage. Do not delay, or a minor scratch will turn into a big sore paw! Sometimes we do know best.

Why would you bring them their slippers?....

When you can make such good use of them yourself?

Honestly, I never realised that slippers don't just taste good, can be traded for treats, NO, they also keep your tootsies nice and toastie (just look at my back-paws...).

I wonder whether the STAFF would fetch me another pair for my front paws? After all, I think I possibly could be more comfy.

Woe is me! And it's all the STAFFs' fault

I'm feeling really queasy, I don't mind telling you. It all started yesterday morning. And it was the STAFFs' fault! They fed me a very tasty item of, whatchumacallit, underwear, or something. And I Did enjoy it at first, but boy it didn't sit well in my tummy. Felt really sick all day, but held out with throwing up until 4:30am. I'm very considerate, I know, don't even mention it. Still don't feel very well. Bit better, but not great. A bit of sleep and the bun I found in the park this morning will settle me tummy, I'm sure.
Anyway, when I said that they "fed me" underwear, well, the STAFF might say that technically speaking they did not feed it to me. Inasmuch as they left it lying about where I was sure to find it. So, still there fault. What's the difference. "Lying about where I was sure to find it" in the sense of an item carefully placed in the laundry bin where any tall dog could frankly move the lid and do a bit of a precision extraction job.
Let's not quibble over detail here. All in all, you'll agree, they practically fed it to me. It is all there fault. I will not reward them!
Ooof, got to go, not feeling well.

About Cats and Fiddles

We only just got back from our activity holiday in the Lakes and I did encourage the STAFF to take it easy - you know, quick walk, lots of food, sleeping in front of the fire, more grub, etc. But no, the STAFF have become right pesky of late. So, they drive us all the way out to the Goyt Valley, and insist that we climb the Matterhorn. The Cheshire Matterhorn that is.



The weather was fine at first. And I cannot deny that I did sort of enjoy myself.

But then of course it started raining. And we were so high up that we were right in the rain cloud! I do like water. But not when it comes from above. I put my sports coat on to keep the worst of it off, but that did not do me much good.

I think you'll agree that I look much less happy now! On the upside, I did find the odd grouse. Not that I like them much, unless they are plucked and roasted.

The total highlight of the walk was the trip to the pub. There was a roaring fire and lost of people who wanted to give me snacks. I had a very good haul of pork scratchings and such and would not mind going back. Also no cats and fiddles, so that turned out OK.

The grass is always greener... What about the mud?

The grass is always greener on the other side. Everything tastes better on holiday.

As a PhD, I thought I'd check these things out, empirically that is. And after thorough investigation I can tell you that there is no significant difference in flavour and taste between Lake District, Peak District and Nottinghamshire mud. You get some subtle nuances, but mainly it sticks to your gums like too much toffee and makes you choke.

So there, now you know and won't have to try it for yourself.

Whilst I am on culinary matters: I did find some very tasty sheep products on the hike around Crummock Water. Yum!

This Lake was made for Boating...apparently...

Went on a nice hike along Ullswater in the Lake District. And it wasn't even raining - quite unusual for this region in my experience!

So far so good.

But, then the STAFF insisted that it would be just soooo much fun to go on a boat trip around the lake. I wasn't so sure. I had never been on one of these boat trips. And I couldn't quite see the benefit of it.

It was sort of OK. I mean, it was freezing cold. Thankfully I had my travel bed and my coat. But I still couldn't quite see why we had to sit outside in the cold. It was fine at first, plenty of people to admire me and tell the STAFF how lucky they were to have me. But then the wind picked up, the temperature dropped and quicker than you could say whimp every sane person went inside where it was warm, and where snacks were served (I saw Oma had a nice hot chocolate...). Apart from the STAFF, of course. I don't know what they were thinking! I'm not giving them time off, if they catch a cold or anything.

In any case, I don't think I'd want to go on another one of these in a rush.

Grizedale Forest... It's worse than Fanghorn!

We arrived in the Lakes and all was fine. Weather didn't look too good, so the STAFF suggested that we go to Grisefale Forrest. Great, I thought. Nice easy walking, squirrels, sticks, a bit of rain cover and maybe evern a rabbit or a fox. What's not to look forward to? Pah, I should've known the STAFF cannot be trusted!

You should've seen the scary things in that forrest! Massive sheep and spiders and the largest fox I ever have seen! I tried to look non-chalant. And it seems to have worked, becasuse I lived to type the tale.

But honestly, it was worse than the Fanghorn forrest in Lord of the Rings (I watched that with the STAFF).

And, there wasn't any raincover. So we all got soaked. And there was no towels left for the STAFF after I was dried off. That should teach them to bring more along next time!

Whistle while you (watch them) work

The STAFF, Oma and I went to see the Sheepdog Trials at Longshaw estate. I had never seen this before, and it all looked quite exciting. I thought the dogs were very naughty, because you are not allowed to chase sheep, don'tcherknow, and there was a guy with a big stick in the field who whistled the dog madly. I thought he was going to tell the dog off. But no. They seemed to be chasing sheep together.
The STAFF explained to me that it was all like an elaborate game and that the dog had to lift four sheep in a long outrun, drive them through a gate, go a lift some more sheep, and blablabla. I stopped listening. I was suddenly VERY worried that they had some crazy ideas of me doing something similar. Now. In front of all these people. I tried to hide under one of the STAFF, just in case.
One of the dogs ran out in the middle of working with a nice young girl with the big stick. It was embarrassing. I felt very sorry for her. She had stroked me earlier and called me handsome, so I had rather wanted her to win.

After that I rather lost interest. Plus, the STAFF still didn't get me the lamb I had asked for. And their explanation why it was ok for these dogs to chase sheep but not for me was rather unsatisfactory. Maybe if they got a whistle and a big stick we could chase sheep together, too. I'll put it to them next time the opportunity arises.Speaking of sticks. I don't mind saying that the highlight of the weekend was the enormous stick I dragged out of the river. I had quite an audience and the STAFF were basking in reflected glory. It was simply wonderful!

Happy Birthday to Me! 8 today - hiphip hooray!

Wow, I can't quite believe I am 8 years old today! Soon I will be old enough to drink sherry.
The STAFF got me a nice plate of Coque au Vin a la Maison (boiled chicken breast). Sure, it fell somewhat short of the things I'd asked for, but it was still greaaat! Yummy, yummy in my tummy.

I haven't felt so nicely full in ages. And now a birthday snooze. What a great day!

I wonder why they say "tired like a dog"?

Pfuff! Weekends are sure very tiring! After our long hike yesterday, the STAFF and I went to see some friends today. I investigated and marked the big garden, went on another long walk, including some quite daring "nearly-swimming-here-guys!"-episodes in a duck pond, had pub lunch and then played some more in the garden.

Thankfully, it is the week soon and the STAFF and I will be able to relax and wind-down after the weekend. Well, I will anyway.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I wonder whether they got me the flock of lambs, chicken farm and junk food hamper I asked for? Oooh, I can't wait to find out...

Hiking around Higger Tor

It was a really good walk today. I am often concerned when the STAFF get out the maps, boots and rucksack. They get us lost quite often. Even though I always have really good route suggestions!
Splashed in the river today. I love sorting pebbles. You pick the nicest one, extract it from the river bed and put it gently on the river bank. And then you go in for the next one. I could do this for hours!
The STAFF are always reluctant to join me in the water. But they seem pleased when I splash them - at least they make a lot of excited noise.


There was quite a bit of walking to be done, but I did have a chance to wee-mail some messages, got to admire the scenery and am now nicely back at home on my sofa. I'm trying to look very tired and hungry. The STAFF are bound to give me a nice big portion for dinner!

Next weekend we're going to the sheep dog trials. Maybe I can get a nice lamb then. It's my birthday on Monday, so the STAFF cannot say "no".

On the beach, by the blue sea

Wide sea, that one continuous murmur breeds along the pebbled shore of memory!

Can't remember who said that - might have been Keats. Enough poetry. Let's find out how tough this new football is.

PS: Not very.

( I Though I Saw a Putty Cat) I Did see pussy Cat!

Do you see it? Bold as anything - right up a tree. Shocking. I was just patrolling the garden, look up and there it sat. I was lost for words. The impertinent intruder. The STAFF thought it was all very cute. The naive fools.

Of course I won the staring match and the cat scrambled off. Still, the cheek of it.

Now I check every hour whether the cat is back. I am very dedicated and even check at night The STAFF are not always very quick letting me out on my "midnight to dawn"- shift. I'll have to work on the frequency and volume of my whine.

zzz... zzz... zzz... zzz...

It's been a busy day. Again. Walking. Eating. And lots of gardening. Anyway, can't tell you about it, because I really need to sleep.

The Art of Frisbee

Keep your eye on the frisbee and run as fast as you can.

Time your jump to perfection. (Always impresses the audience!).

Or do a "run-by-grab". If carried out correctly, it's pretty spectacular.


And then watch the look on their little faces. So full of admiration. Aaaahhh....

Of cows, lambs and the "joys" of walking

Cows. The bane of our Peak District hikes. They just don't like me. Once I got chased by them, which was scary. Now the STAFF avoid them, and sometimes we have to walk really long detours to get around them.

Now a nice little lamb. Yum! I would like me one of these. But I always have to have the STAFF on a lead when there's sheep about. Don't know why. And they are too heavy to drag behind when going after a juicy lamb. I know, I tried. Sometimes the STAFF are just annoying!



In any case, I was not going to smile when they had made me walk all the way up the hill. There was no food up here and then I just had to walk all the way down again. Now, if I'd had a lamb, I might have felt more enthusiastic about it...

The Joys of the Internet: Blogging and Shopping

Pretty cool stuff this blogging... But I've discovered something even better! ALL the major supermarkets deliver FOOD to your house. Wahey! Let's get shopping....








Pfff...! They want money for the stuff?? What a disappointment. And the STAFF have hidden my credit cards. I'm going to take a nap to get over this setback.

Looking forward to my holidays

I just noticed that the STAFF have got out the Lake District maps. This can only mean that we are going on holiday again soon. Excellent! I went to the Lakes in June and had a fab time. Lots of paddling. No cows (they don't like me). Lots of walking. And quality time to spend with the STAFF. I just hope Oma comes along. She's related to the STAFF somehow. She thinks they don't feed me enough (I couldn't agree more!) and gives me extras. Also, she strokes me for hours. Oma is the best!

I just hope they won't tire me out too much again. When I went with Oma and the STAFF to the Yorkshire Dales they just went walking all the time. I feel asleep over my dinner one evening, and my head dropped into my bowl. How embarrassing! I only hope that no one saw...

Yum, yum, dried lung - pity it's no good for me

Dried lung! It's the best. Well, these are just fond memories, because I'm not allowed snacks any more. It always tasted best when eaten on the nice white rug. The STAFF recently changed it for a rather busily patterned one. I have to remember asking them why.

Anyway, all this food trouble is probably from changing homes and staff when I was 5 years old. Things hadn't been going well for some time in my old home. The staff then seemed to have no time for me. I didn't go on any walks, and I put on lots of weight. Naturally, I was not in a good mood, and then they told me off for it. Still, it was a shock when the new STAFF arrived one day and just took me with them. I made it very clear to them that I did not really want to stay and actually rather wanted to go back. But they took no notice. And they seemed strict. I was not allowed on the sofa. Or upstairs. No growling or snarling at them. It was really tough. Of course they didn't really know how to treat me then. I have trained them up nicely now: a bed in every room, my own sofa, plenty of walks. But my tummy never really recovered from the stress.

A Weimaraner goes on-line

The STAFF spend so much of their spare time online, I wanted to see what this is all about. I had a nice walk this morning (Squirrel count 3), a nice breakfast (same as every meal - just how I like it) and now the sun's up and I'm relaxing on my sofa in the bay window.

The STAFF had been talking about a blog for some time. They wanted to share their experience of adopting a Weimaraner as a rescue dog (whatever that means). But I know that they'll never get their act together. I keep them far too busy for that. If you want a job done properly, you have to do it yourself.

Anyway, I need a nap now. I'd better see whether any STAFF are around to fluff my blankets.