viva le viva...

So, STAFF were having some sort of big exam and had to be at work sharp-ish and on time. Of course I knew what to do to take THEIR minds of that and help THEM relax. Oh yes. In a completely unselfish way, I used the cover of darkness on our morning round in the woods to disappear and eat a huge pile of brightly coloured dog biscuits. People just leave those lying about. Like a Fast Food outlet. Marvelous.STAFF were calling frantically. I could hear THEM. After all, I had not gone far. But, hey, I was busy eating, and you cannot rush these things. Gives you indigestion, don't you know. So, after 15 minutes I sauntered back to STAFF, who had by that stage completely forgotten about the exam. And when we got home, THEY had no time to worry. Just to get ready and go.

Well, the exam was passed with flying colours, and I have to say that I take credit for that. Would it have gone so well without my help? Who knows!

Regrettably, the food didn't agree so well with me. I think it was the red biscuits. Or maybe the green ones? But after a couple of days on my cozy bed, I was right as rain again.

Things I do for STAFF....

The Great Pig Swindle of Snottingham

I was conned. Cruelly. By the STAFF. THEY came back from shopping and when I did the customary bag inspection, THEY trilled happily that THEY got me a little something. In response to my inquiring look THEY said: "We got you a pig". Well, my heart nearly thumped out through my thorax in excited joy! Focus, I told myself. Focus! Now was not the time to mess things up. A whole pig! After hours of fumbling in the bag, the STAFF got it out and presented it to me. I had not felt this happy in months, years, ever! - and ran off at high speed to my soft eating area, reserved for eating special treats. 

I sort of knew something was wrong. I had seen pigs before and they seemed, well, big. So, I was surprised I could carry a whole one in my mouth, just like that. And then more things began to feel wrong.... like the taste.... and the texture.... and well, everything! 

And suddenly realisation hit me like a streak of bacon in the face - only not at all like bacon in a very important way. It's a toy. 'Amusingly' shaped like a pig. It's an oinking toy, would you believe!? My disappointment was limitless and crushing. As you can imagine, I have not looked at the pig, or the STAFF, since this incident. I am treating all of them with the disdain they deserve. 

I know TWO people, who are completely off my Christmas list. 

warm weekend in wales (really!)

I was a little concerned when the STAFF put the bathtub on the car and got the camping gear together. The weather hadn't been great and I did not fancy spending a weekend sitting in the tent, with the STAFF all wet and miserable (and, frankly, smelly...) just because THEY never have the sense to bring enough towels and blankets to keep everyone dry and warm. Of course, there are ALWAYS enough blankets to keep me warm. First things first, eh!

So, I was a bit concerned when we set off.

But when we arrived I was well chuffed. A big field, with a nice view, and great smells (bacon, sausage, burger, sheep poo, fox poo, cow poo... etc, you get the picture)! I was surveying my new digs with much joy and anticipation for adventure!

But no adventure on an empty tummy, I always say. Well, nothing is much good when your tummy is empty. But anyway, there is something to be said for al fresco dining. Not least because I am  convinced the STAFF hand out bigger portions during these trips. Just as well, really! With all this fresh air, I found myself with a very healthy appetite

Here you see me enjoying a  nice relaxing spot of breakfast, in the great outdoors. I was taking my time and savouring the food. And yet I was done in 82 seconds flat (+ cleaning bowl and drinking time). 

I wish the STAFF would follow my example and speed up THEIR meal times, so that we could get going. I was power napping whilst THEY got ready. No point wasting time and energy!

A least I had a nice spot of sunshine to warm the belly and help the breakfast go down. Aaaah, outdoor living!

And then off to some adventures! Like here in the grounds of Chirk castle. 

And more lying in the sun. What's not to like?

Still, after a day of adventuring and all, I was quite tired and changed my Mount Batchelor pad day bed for my comfy bed. After all, it is important to get the idea across that not everyone wants to rough it. Sure, the STAFF like to think that they are getting back to nature (whatever that means... had they left nature at some point?), but I, I like to be comfortable.

And what is better than watching the sun set over the Welsh hills? And from the comfort of your own bed? It was splendid I tell you!

A magnificent sight, don't you think?

All that staring in the sun made my eyes a bit tender, so I thought I'd give the STAFF's shades a go. THEY can keep them, I tell you. I looked a fool! Not that THEY don't. Well, if someone has to look a fool, I'd rather it wasn't me!

Woe is me! And it's all the STAFFs' fault

I'm feeling really queasy, I don't mind telling you. It all started yesterday morning. And it was the STAFFs' fault! They fed me a very tasty item of, whatchumacallit, underwear, or something. And I Did enjoy it at first, but boy it didn't sit well in my tummy. Felt really sick all day, but held out with throwing up until 4:30am. I'm very considerate, I know, don't even mention it. Still don't feel very well. Bit better, but not great. A bit of sleep and the bun I found in the park this morning will settle me tummy, I'm sure.
Anyway, when I said that they "fed me" underwear, well, the STAFF might say that technically speaking they did not feed it to me. Inasmuch as they left it lying about where I was sure to find it. So, still there fault. What's the difference. "Lying about where I was sure to find it" in the sense of an item carefully placed in the laundry bin where any tall dog could frankly move the lid and do a bit of a precision extraction job.
Let's not quibble over detail here. All in all, you'll agree, they practically fed it to me. It is all there fault. I will not reward them!
Ooof, got to go, not feeling well.