enjoying retirement

as you know I have worked very hard looking after two well-meaning, but often useless, members of STAFF. And, frankly, I had enough! All the hard work, the stress of looking after them, making sure they were safe. Checking on all visitors. A never-ending list of tasks and duties. When was a guy ever given the chance to relax?

So, I said to myself: enough is enough. But how could I communicate this idea to the STAFF? (It's not easy getting stuff through to them...). Well, I lucked out when I saw that this nice chap,  who has his own tv show about rehabilitating useless dog staff 'the Dog Whisperer", has also written a book. Quick as a flash I was on amazon.co.uk and ordered the STAFF a copy for xmas. They took it very well, and read it aloud to one another. I was nodding along in the background. The man, Cesar Milan, makes so much sense. He knows all about how to turn useless STAFF into good STAFF. 

And now the STAFF have finally taken on board that they are meant to look after me and not the other way around! Now, I have retired from pack leadership and STAFF management. My BP has dropped, my stress levels are sinking. I am relaxed. I am happy. I am carefree. I am having the time of my life! 

We are all one big, happy, calm family now. Having lots of fun!

Routine is the spice of life!

The STAFF have finally learned! Who'd have thought it would ever happen? Not me! But, bless THEM, their training has really come along in the last few weeks!

My days, Monday to Sunday are now a verrry nice routine:

well before sunrise: Up and to the Best wood (before any dogs get there, I want it all to myself). We like to get there when it is still dark and the scents are fresh! If the STAFF are sluggish in the morning, I get out the big guns! I have really nailed the frequency of my yelping now, and can get the STAFF from bed to bottom of the stairs in 3 yelps = 30 seconds flat. Not bad, eh! 

And off we go. 

8am: Home and a nice hearty breakfast. 

8:30am: Up on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket and aaaaahhh, relax! In summer: sun bathing. The STAFF go out some days, not others. I don't really keep track of this, because I don't need THEM for this part of the day. As long as THEY don't bother me, crowd me on the sofa or cramp my style, I like to give THEM a bit of freedom. Personally, I think THEY should nap. Might make them look less tired in the morning. 

5:45pm (sharp!) Quick stroll around the block. Just to check the news, (we)e-mail and all. AND to see whether the nice Greyhound lady might be out on her evening round. Hellloooo baby!

Then, an impossibly long and cruel wait until the STAFF have finished feasting on their dinner before I can have mine. Meanies!

The highlight of my evening (apart from dinner!) is the training I do with the STAFF. So far I have taught them well over 20 different ways of understanding: Give me a biscuit now!  THEY are quite fast learners. I might show you some footage of the exercises later.

After all that work, I am quite tired and like to nap until bed time, when it is time for my quick patrol round the yard and then a biscuit treasure hunt. Then quick back to bed, after all, my day starts early.

I really don't know why it took them so long to understand my very simple needs!